I was thankful to be 40. Thankful that I am a breathing, living, human being that God has allowed to keep going. Although this day is bittersweet, the day that I keep seeing in my mind is the day I gave birth to my son. I never thought that I would experience a day like that. It's the most blessed and magical experience I can ever felt. A son born to me and Aaron. It took forever but it happened. I think of the what if's all the time. My therapist says that's normal when it comes to trauma like that. I try not to think of the what if's but they creep up and make their way through my head. Ethan would have been born on August 11, 2009. If that was the case, I would probably still be in the hospital or taking care of him here at home. Today on my birthday, as I shed tears of joy to be living the age of 40, I shed tears for my son that could not be here to share this special day with his mommy. My life will continue to go one, loving him each and every second of my day, where ever I could be. God has his reasons, they shouldn't be questioned. My son is an angel among other angels that God has called for a purpose.
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