I've been on vacation.

I've been on vacation since September 17. I took Glo-worm (gloria) to her dr. appt. in Ventura. They've taken her staples out and now, she is recovering at home nicely. I had several plans for my vacation but things kind of fell through. The need for money obviously, plans changing, going to the Philippines would have been fun but the strike pretty much scared my chances of non-reving (stand-by travel). I've been home, in the kitchen, cooking what I can muster up. I made a veggie lasagna, minestrone soup, baked rigatoni, caramel banana raviolis, made my own caramel sauce, thanks to Ina Garten and Tyler Florence and made my own bechamel sauce. I will attempt to make some homemade Mac and Cheese before I go back to work. Cleaning the kitchen has been a thing for me. I wish my kitchen was a whole lot bigger. I want to have a new kitchen. God will you please bless me with a bigger kitchen, a bigger house, a nicer car, maybe another child? I know, I know, I ask for too much.

We are having yard a sale tomorrow. Got to be up early to set up. I hope that some people stop by. I posted it on Facebook but did it as a public event so that everyone can see it. I need to start sorting clothes and placing them into bins. I've got a busy weekend. Yard sale, babyshower, Reggie's birthday, no time to relax......LOL! I believe that Landon is coming this weekend, I'm excited to see him. Miss that boy so much. I should have blogged everyday but you know, I think I have ADD so I get distracted or tend to do one thing at a time to get it done. What can I say? It must be old age, I am 41. I ache all over. I should probably go back to work. Work keeps me young, my friends at work keep me young, because they are all young! I'll be back next Thursday. Until then.......happy cooking!

When family matters........

I was born to parents whose parents were already gone. I never go to meet my grandparents on both sides. I know that my father's parents had passed in the late 1800's and my mother's parents had passed in the 1950's. I've met my step-dads parents grew up with them and they have now since passed as well. When I married Aaron, I was lucky enough to meet his grandparents whom I have accepted as my own and they have accepted me as their granddaughter. Aaron's grandmother on his mother's side is someone that I didn't get to meet. She passed a few years ago. Gramps is still here and we get long great. He has his share of health issues but he loves watching his sports and reading the paper. Gramps has a routine which suits him quite well. I remember when Aaron and I told Gramps that we had gotten married, he was so happy for us. He was elated.

I remember when I met the Gerber grandparents, I met grandma Gerber, (Willaby), it was @ Corissa's bridal shower. Along with her, I met Cheryl, Kerri and some of the cousins. They were so nice to me. When I was introduced as Aaron's wife, grandma was so happy. She hugged me tight. Grandpa Leroy I met at our wedding reception. He looks like Ron, Aaron's dad. Grandpa is a very sweet man but can be awnry at times. No matter what, I've come to love this family that by marriage has become my own.

Today, we went to see Grandpa. He looked ok. Not his best but I was glad to see him. I saw him for the first time in years and couldn't hold back the tears. In my mind, I was hoping to see the man who stood tall, looked healthy and strong. I was so disappointed that it took Aaron and I this long to see him again. He tried to speak as much as he could. He would crack a smile here and there. He held on to Corissa's hand as long as he could, and he held on tight. Grandpa was given his pain medicine and slowly was falling asleep. As we said goodbye, I gave him a kiss and told him he should eat his food so that he would get stronger and he can go home. He nodded his head and slowly dosed off to sleep.

At this rate, we don't know if we will see him again. I'm glad that we took this opportunity to see him even if it may be last time. He knew that we were there, he knew that we loved him enough to see him even if for the last time. I told him that I loved him. I know he loves me too. The kiss on his forehead will be my everlasting memory of him. All I can pray is that he may make it through this and get another chance even for a little while.

Times like this is when you take a step back out of your own life and think about the lives who have touch you. It doesn't matter what happened, you set those feelings aside and love your family. Just love your family.

Yesterday was the hardest........

Dear Ethan,

I watched 3 movies while I was holding Tippy. Tippy won't keep your beany on his head because it's a little too big for him. We managed to keep in on though. Your dad and I had a therapy session with Connie. It was difficult but your dad didn't cry. I think he is a little embarrassed to cry in front of a therapist. Talking about what we all went through when you got sick was difficult but at the same time therapeutic. We miss you a lot boy. Your dad has this box of toys that was suppose to be yours. These old playskool transformer toys that you would have loved. We were planning on donating them to Cottage Hospital but I think your dad kind of changed his mind. We were thinking of giving a few of them to your cousin Landon, he is your god-brother, but we don't know if your aunt Corissa is going to be ok with that. Your dad and I are planning to leave for your aunt Corissa's later on this evening. Not sure if we are leaving tonight or first thing in the morning. We will see. Your dad is working till 5pm. I'm getting the laundry done right now and cleaning around the room. I sure miss you a lot. We miss you all the time.

It's been a year

How quickly a year has passed. Where did all the time go? Ethan would have been a year old last May 26. That was a pretty sad day for Aaron and I. There's a box of toys that would have been our boys. If it wasn't for the grace of God, I don't think I would have been able to get through this year. Mother's day was brutal. Aaron was sad on his birthday. Now, we remember Ethan's 1st anniversary. It's like a movie that replays in our mind over and over again. We have since then created different memories that will help us slowly move on and when these days come by again, it won't be as painful. I have requested holiday time off during these times. I'm off for the next 4 days. The plan is to go down south and visit my in-laws and our god-son. July couldn't come fast enough so that we can have some really fun times @ Comic-con. It's been a difficult few weeks. Some people understand and some people don't. It's ok. It's hard to talk to some people about this.

It's been a while.....

I'm here at work, where else would I be, right? Sitting at the counter, people watching, listening to what other people are saying and just right out bored out of my mind. I didn't get very much sleep as I thought I would and taking half of an ambien seems to have made matter worse than good. I'm back on the ambien thing for a short time until I can get my brain and my nerves settled down. It's been a little tough for me lately just knowing that Ethan's 1st birthday is coming up. I think about where I was this same time last year and it all comes back to the same thing, I was pregnant with my first and only son. Depressing I know, I feel like I'm reliving everything all over again. I miss being pregnant, I don't miss the headaches, that was the worse from being pregnant. Besides the headaches, I think I did ok but the type II and the high blood pressure can go to heck. That made me mad and it made the pregnancy difficult. It didn't help either that I was 39 when I was pregnant. I need to take a break from this right now. I'll come back and write some more later.

Oh? Chicago..........

As I'm walking down Michigan Ave. with my dearest friends, April, Josh, Anthony and Sam, I kept talking to myself about what I would want to talk about in my blog. How wonderful these people are to me. How caring they are towards me and making sure that my well-being is looked out for. Knowing how slow I can be because I am old, they make sure that I'm still behind them every step of the way.

Our trip to Chicago was planned for awhile. I wanted to have fun and if I was going to have fun, I wanted fun people to be around. I approached April and Josh and they were in. This was suppose to be a couples trip with Aaron included but he got a part-time job @ Santa Maria Signs and he didn't want to have to ask for time off. Who would take his place? With careful thought, Anthony and Sam said yes and off to Chicago we went.

The loads for flights were looking pretty grim so I decided to get on the noon flight. Everyone was pretty accommodating about this trip. April got shifts covered at the beginning of the month and I took vacation hours so we were all set. I got to Chicago @ 840p and headed for the CTA. Got on the CTA and headed for downtown Chicago. There was a light snow that was of course blowing my direction that made it so hard to see the street signs. Finally at the hotel, I'm getting settled and ordering food, showered and changed. My thoughts were, they will all be here tomorrow.

I headed for the airport to meet April and Josh @ 130p. Now that it was daylight, I can see the streets signs, pinpoint the landmarks and finally know where I'm at. April and Josh are finally here and we are off to the hotel. We get there, they change clothes and we head to Pizzeria Uno. Yes, the original Pizzeria Uno. We ordered a large Numero Uno. It was enormous but so good. Had leftovers for days. We walked down Michigan to a Walgreens so April and I can get beanies. It was that cold. Headed back to the hotel to drop off pizza and stuff and at around this time, Anthony and Sam are here. We hook up with them at Millenium Park and walked around a little bit. Saw "The Bean". Very cool. We head back, it's going to be an early morning for us the next day.

This day in my life has come. We are heading to The Oprah Winfrey Show. It's been a dream come true. Oprah started in 1984, I was a freshman in high school. I finally made it here. It was amazing. Being in the audience was so surreal. What stunk about the whole thing was we were there for a live broadcast and here in California, @ 2p, on my TiVO, it was the Olympics. We got to see the show on ABC in Chicago @ 11pm. They really didn't show much of the audience although, at the end as they were panning around the studio, I saw Josh and his famous white shirt. Meaning, if I saw Josh, I saw everyone. Me, April, Josh, Sam and Anthony. After the show, we meet with some people and we head to the Oprah store. In a cab, we head back to the hotel and get ready for lunch.

April, Josh and I, nosh on leftover pizza, they eat the crust and I eat the toppings. Crust was a bit much. That was a snack. We head out and dine @ Big Bowl, an asian eatery right off Ohio St. That was pretty fun. Still elated from our Oprah show experience, we talk about the funniest things that happened on the show. The annoying animal sitter that took much of Oprah's time, the lady that was asking if she can be her next personal assistant, Oprah has 5 so answer there was NO. Then there was the Oprah moment and for the 5 of us, it will always be our moment with Oprah. It was personal and raw. Enough said. We head out for ice skating and the Willis Tower (formerly known as the Sears Tower). As we get to the ice skating rink, we sit and decide what to do first. We decide to go to the Skydeck. (hold on, I need to google something) It was a mile walk. Thank God it was cool and brisk and not hot and humid. I would have been miserable. That was a fun trip up there. OMG, 103 floors! April had to hold my hand so I would get on the deck and take pictures, don't look down. I did alright, it wasn't too bad. Poor Sam was really afraid of heights. Anthony had to hold him up. LOL! Funny! Let's track it back to the park and another 1 mile. Thank goodness I've been working out or else, I wouldn't have done so well. April, Josh, Anthony and Sam go ice skating, I sit on the sidelines and take pictures and some video footage. We all had fun. It's food time and we decide to check out the Big Bar @ the Hyatt Regency. Walking inside the lobby, we saw this lady that walked into the glass door and pretty much fell on her ass. She must have been drunk or something but that was hilarious. We get up to the Big Bar and it's packed, no place to sit. We opt for something else. I said, "Reagle Beagle". We headed to the Reagle Beagle. It was a nice joint. Close to our hotel, a block away. Food was amazing. The burgers were delicious. We part ways for the evening and April, Josh and I head for Buca di Beppo for Tiramisu to go. They get some beers and wine coolers for me, and back to the hotel. BTW, that was breakfast as well. Beer, wine coolers and tiramisu. You can't go wrong!

For our friend Anthony, the Daddy and mommy jokes were only so appropriate in Chicago. He will never let this one down.

We are now home and still re-living a great vacation in our heads. To my friends, you aren't just friends, you are family. I thank you so much for your time, friendship. Until our next trip.

It's the end of the month.....

The 31st already. Where did January go? It's been a long month but it's over. Work is work. Aaron and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary with a weekend stay at the La Bellasera Hotel and Suites in Paso Robles, CA. Thanks to my friends Kevin and Mike, it was a wonderful weekend with chocolate cake and champagne. We had lunch at Big Bubba's Bad BBQ that Sunday, walked around the shops in Paso and chilled in the room. It was so relaxing, I was getting bored.

January was a month of birthdays for my friends, Ryan S, Jeff, my dad, Jenn R, Amy and Josh, Jeanell.

Aaron is still currently unemployed, currently looking for work in the graphic arts field, learning a new graphic arts software and helping his friend Toby with digital imagery.

I am continuing with my work out, still going strong. I'm tired right now. Sleepy is more like it. I have had my coffee but it doesn't seem to help. It's almost time to go home. 1pm hurry up!

I'm feeling a little better.....

Thank goodness for the anti-biotics, mucinex and theraflu, I'm starting to feel a little bit better. I was miserable there for a while.

David and Michelle are back and I'm really happy that they are here. I've been working a lot of hours and I need to rest. 2 days off starting tomorrow, I can't wait to just sleep in and not do anything. I worked out lastnight for about 15 minutes. Light work out without any running. Having trouble breathing with this congestion but it's starting to loosen up. It feels so good to feel better.

I went to dinner with April and Josh for his birthday. We had Chili's. That was pretty fun. I like hanging out with them. They are a very fun couple.

It's going to be a great weekend being home and just hanging out.

I'm sick

Sick and at work. I don't really have a choice right now. If I don't work, I don't get paid. That's just the way things are. I'm leaving early now, so that I can get some rest and do this all over again. I go to work tomorrow from 1pm to 5pm. Not a bad shift. I get to sleep in.

Until then, please help me pray that our situation gets better and Aaron finds a job. I'm tired of working already. My immune system is shot. I can't even work out.

What happens to you when........

You are faced with hard decisions to make? When you thought what seemed to be a normal life, feels like not so normal. When money is most of your worries? When a part of you is happy for your friends but deep down, it's making you hurt so bad inside. When the life you knew isn't the life you have right now? When every decision you make, also affects other people?

I have been faced with a lot of things as of late and all I can do, is turn to GOD. I am tired and I am weary. There are days when I have thought of giving up, but I can't. I don't know where to go, I don't know where to hide. I can go on a plane and for a short time, my problems will go away, but when I come back home, they will all come back as well.

My frustration has elevated. My heart aches everyday. I wonder if I'm being punished. I really wish that things are different for me right now. We will see what tomorrow brings.

I'm tired and I am weary. God, please carry me.

It's been a while......

I know it's been a while since I've actually wrote something on here and here I am. The past several months have been tough with the holidays and missing Ethan. I miss him every second but Christmas and New Years was extremely difficult. Every holiday for me is non existent because Ethan isn't here to celebrate it with us.

Aaron and I are faced with some struggle at the moment because Aaron is currently unemployed. I don't feel like discussing that here because it is a private matter but as any family dealing with unemployment, it's been hard. I have been working more hours and have not really had a decent day off where I can have a little time to myself to do nothing.

Today, I will be traveling to Bakersfield to do a Pampered Chef show for my friend, sister, daughter Estelle. She just recently had a little boy and I will meet him for the first time today. I'm excited and scared at the same time but I need to go on and be able to do this for myself.

I will try to keep everyone update with the latest and greatest and would appreciate prayers for Aaron and I that he find employment anywhere soon. God has the answers, I know that. He is a good and loving God and all things come from him. I hope that God will grant Aaron a nice decent paycheck soon.