When family matters........

I was born to parents whose parents were already gone. I never go to meet my grandparents on both sides. I know that my father's parents had passed in the late 1800's and my mother's parents had passed in the 1950's. I've met my step-dads parents grew up with them and they have now since passed as well. When I married Aaron, I was lucky enough to meet his grandparents whom I have accepted as my own and they have accepted me as their granddaughter. Aaron's grandmother on his mother's side is someone that I didn't get to meet. She passed a few years ago. Gramps is still here and we get long great. He has his share of health issues but he loves watching his sports and reading the paper. Gramps has a routine which suits him quite well. I remember when Aaron and I told Gramps that we had gotten married, he was so happy for us. He was elated.

I remember when I met the Gerber grandparents, I met grandma Gerber, (Willaby), it was @ Corissa's bridal shower. Along with her, I met Cheryl, Kerri and some of the cousins. They were so nice to me. When I was introduced as Aaron's wife, grandma was so happy. She hugged me tight. Grandpa Leroy I met at our wedding reception. He looks like Ron, Aaron's dad. Grandpa is a very sweet man but can be awnry at times. No matter what, I've come to love this family that by marriage has become my own.

Today, we went to see Grandpa. He looked ok. Not his best but I was glad to see him. I saw him for the first time in years and couldn't hold back the tears. In my mind, I was hoping to see the man who stood tall, looked healthy and strong. I was so disappointed that it took Aaron and I this long to see him again. He tried to speak as much as he could. He would crack a smile here and there. He held on to Corissa's hand as long as he could, and he held on tight. Grandpa was given his pain medicine and slowly was falling asleep. As we said goodbye, I gave him a kiss and told him he should eat his food so that he would get stronger and he can go home. He nodded his head and slowly dosed off to sleep.

At this rate, we don't know if we will see him again. I'm glad that we took this opportunity to see him even if it may be last time. He knew that we were there, he knew that we loved him enough to see him even if for the last time. I told him that I loved him. I know he loves me too. The kiss on his forehead will be my everlasting memory of him. All I can pray is that he may make it through this and get another chance even for a little while.

Times like this is when you take a step back out of your own life and think about the lives who have touch you. It doesn't matter what happened, you set those feelings aside and love your family. Just love your family.

Yesterday was the hardest........

Dear Ethan,

I watched 3 movies while I was holding Tippy. Tippy won't keep your beany on his head because it's a little too big for him. We managed to keep in on though. Your dad and I had a therapy session with Connie. It was difficult but your dad didn't cry. I think he is a little embarrassed to cry in front of a therapist. Talking about what we all went through when you got sick was difficult but at the same time therapeutic. We miss you a lot boy. Your dad has this box of toys that was suppose to be yours. These old playskool transformer toys that you would have loved. We were planning on donating them to Cottage Hospital but I think your dad kind of changed his mind. We were thinking of giving a few of them to your cousin Landon, he is your god-brother, but we don't know if your aunt Corissa is going to be ok with that. Your dad and I are planning to leave for your aunt Corissa's later on this evening. Not sure if we are leaving tonight or first thing in the morning. We will see. Your dad is working till 5pm. I'm getting the laundry done right now and cleaning around the room. I sure miss you a lot. We miss you all the time.

It's been a year

How quickly a year has passed. Where did all the time go? Ethan would have been a year old last May 26. That was a pretty sad day for Aaron and I. There's a box of toys that would have been our boys. If it wasn't for the grace of God, I don't think I would have been able to get through this year. Mother's day was brutal. Aaron was sad on his birthday. Now, we remember Ethan's 1st anniversary. It's like a movie that replays in our mind over and over again. We have since then created different memories that will help us slowly move on and when these days come by again, it won't be as painful. I have requested holiday time off during these times. I'm off for the next 4 days. The plan is to go down south and visit my in-laws and our god-son. July couldn't come fast enough so that we can have some really fun times @ Comic-con. It's been a difficult few weeks. Some people understand and some people don't. It's ok. It's hard to talk to some people about this.