Ill be honest with you from one mom to another. The pain will ease but it will never stop. From now on, there's always this lil piece of your heart missing and no matter what you do or what someone says, it will never be the same. It will be 3 years in November and still today I can recall what we went through that night we had to make our decisions. To the day we went home, I asked Ronnie if we made the right choice, to let him go and not do any kind of surgery to save him and we know deep down that was the right choice. If we let them operate, our son's will suffer more not just at that moment, but in the long run.
Cry, laugh, go to the beach and scream your lungs out!! Get mad if you have to! But no matter what, dont blame yourself or aaron. We have no control of the choices we were given. The only thing that we kept in our mind was that GOD needed more Angels and he only takes the best, that's why he took our Son!
Also, talking to Pastor Keyes was a big help! Talk out your feelings, your hurt, your anger, your fear, it will help and ease some of the pain. At least you had 10+ days with him, memories you will cherish in your lifetime! We had an hour with Gabe before he took his last breath. He couldnt even open his eyes. But to this day, I can still remember every details. Give your self time, cry until you have no more tears, be there for each other. It can be a couple weeks, months before you feel somewhat normal, you will feel the ease in your heart, but only when you are ready. Talk to Ethan, he will listen and it will also help you. Every time we go to the cemetery to visit him we talk to him, update whats happening, his sisters knows thats baby brother there.
I hope this helps you somewhat. I havent stopped thinking about you or what you are going through. I was numbed for weeks! Im here for you, I wish I was closer, but I am here! Marci, you and Arron will be ok...it will take time and take all the time you need to cope. We love you guys!!
Cry, laugh, go to the beach and scream your lungs out!! Get mad if you have to! But no matter what, dont blame yourself or aaron. We have no control of the choices we were given. The only thing that we kept in our mind was that GOD needed more Angels and he only takes the best, that's why he took our Son!
Also, talking to Pastor Keyes was a big help! Talk out your feelings, your hurt, your anger, your fear, it will help and ease some of the pain. At least you had 10+ days with him, memories you will cherish in your lifetime! We had an hour with Gabe before he took his last breath. He couldnt even open his eyes. But to this day, I can still remember every details. Give your self time, cry until you have no more tears, be there for each other. It can be a couple weeks, months before you feel somewhat normal, you will feel the ease in your heart, but only when you are ready. Talk to Ethan, he will listen and it will also help you. Every time we go to the cemetery to visit him we talk to him, update whats happening, his sisters knows thats baby brother there.
I hope this helps you somewhat. I havent stopped thinking about you or what you are going through. I was numbed for weeks! Im here for you, I wish I was closer, but I am here! Marci, you and Arron will be ok...it will take time and take all the time you need to cope. We love you guys!!
Can I ask you what happened to Gabe? Jenny didn't really tell me anything about what happened with you.
I went preterm at 6 months. Well 5 days before 6 moths. I was working the late shifts as usual. My previous pregnancy, I had discharged and my doctor said its normal, so I dint think nothing of it. Well, 2 days later I realized I still kept having them, so i told myself Ill call the next day, Well, I worked till 1230am, Nonnie was only 10 months old at the time. We usually sleep in till the after noon. WEll, my mother inlaw decided to come over with my nephew and ring the door bell. So i got up really fast so Nonnie wouldnt wake up, to late. SO i had her watch the baby and I went to go Pee and noticed there was blood. So, I called my md and said to go to ER right away. When we were on our way, I sneezed and felt like a balloon was about to drop in my pelvic. Later finding out, it was my baby sac. Labor and Delivery was so packed that day, they had me in a hospital bed in the hallway. I kept telling the nurse Im having contractions like feeling and she said I cant be because I was only 6 months. Finally they had me in a room and when she checked you can tell in her face something was wrong. My MD came right away and told us that my baby sac has detached and I had to deliver. Since he was already in my birth canal, they couldnt do a c - section. I gave birth Natural with the help of my MD pulling him out. Before they did that, they asked what we wanted to do, So with no doubt, we said, Save him!! that's when they called the Neocare Specialist. They did an ultra sound and saw that he was fully developed, heart beating, had hair, but his eyes has not opened yet. If we tried to save him and made it, he will be under a lot of surgery, he may be blind, abnormal, etc. So, as much as we wanted to save Gabe, we made the decision to let him go. I gave birth, they did not try to save him, just cleaned him up, wrapped him warm and gave our son to hold until his last breath. All the family members got to see him. My parents were on their way and let me kept him with us until they got there so they got to see him too! My dad said, he actually saved us, because we wouldnt have to see him suffer and see us suffer going through all the surgery and whatever problems that comes in the future. To this day, I still question if we did the right thing and yes, it was! The hardest but it was right for all of us.
It is the hardest thing parents can do for their children but it's the right one. God knew what he was doing when he created our children for us. He gave us a chance to love and see how much we can love someone so small, so fragile. It's seems like a test of faith you know. We love, we lose, and then we live, through that lost love. You are so right, God only takes the best.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We are different yet so similar.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We are different yet so similar.
I decided to stop taking my ambien, trying to ween myself off because I don't want to be too comfortable taking it. It's been two nights and I hurt so badly missing my son. Obviously I can't sleep, I cry @ night, the pain is so excruciating, I sneak away to the kitchen to have a smoke. Crying helps and I do cry when there are no more tears and I tire myself out. I started seeing a counselor last week, I figure, if I start work in September or sooner, I need to learn how to deal with this. My mind keeps rewinding back to the time I went to the hospital, like a preview of a movie and the movie just keeps playing in my head. My chest starts to get full and my eyes start to well up. Nights are the worst. I'm afraid I may get too dependant on the ambien that in the future, I won't be able to stop using it. Last thing that I need is to be addicted to sleep aids, I need to learn how to sleep on my own again. How long did it take you before you got your old sleep habits back?
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there. I didn't know what else to do, I needed to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. Goodnight. God Bless.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there. I didn't know what else to do, I needed to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. Goodnight. God Bless.
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Hi Marci! I know exactly what you are going through. I play that same scene in my head over and over again, wondering what we could of done differently. My doctor asked me if i wanted to take medication but i didnt want to. I was just emotionally drained and tired, so i slept when i fell asleep. Also, we had Nonnie who was just barely 9 months old.
Once I went to work, it got easier because I was busy and not at home thinking. But at the same time it was hard because I would see pregnant mom's, newborns or someone that just miscarried and it was like reliving it all over again. When I would drive home that would be my moment, my time to grieve, but once at home I had to just keep on going. To this day I can still play the same scene in my head, so I cant tell you that it wont stop.
The one thing that really helped me was talking to Pastor Keyes. Also going to his church in Old Orcutt. We went as a family and we got healed as a family. You will feel the holy spirit come in you and you will cry without even knowing, and after wards you will feel so good and so new. If you would like to speak to him let me know and I will call him for you. You told me that you are talking to a counselor, how is that going?
I also avoided any baby showers, baptisms, anything with baby for a while. Only i knew how much it would hurt and torture me. My best friend and I were only 1 month apart and 2 of my other friends were 2 months ahead of me and all of them had their baby. So even now when I see them and their children, I would think that thats how old our Gabe would of been. We visit him at his gravesite. Did you guys have one for Ethan? Go there and just sit there and talk to him. Ask him to help you. He will listen.
It will get easier, I promise, but you will never forget. You will hurt and cry, but its ok. Time is all different for us. Grieve for Ethan , but also live for yourself and Aaron. One of the books I read at the Christian Book store in SLO, when I wanted to find answers, was that think of your Son and that he is not living in this world of ours. Where there is pollution, hatred, anger, envy, war, etc. Our Son's are at a better place.
I hope this help you some. You are never alone my friend. I am here for you. I think of you daily and read your post on FB. You will be ok, Marci, it does get easier. Let me know if you need anything else, or if you just want to write out all your thoughts, im here for you!
Youre in my prayers and in my thoughts!
love Lyrose ; )
Once I went to work, it got easier because I was busy and not at home thinking. But at the same time it was hard because I would see pregnant mom's, newborns or someone that just miscarried and it was like reliving it all over again. When I would drive home that would be my moment, my time to grieve, but once at home I had to just keep on going. To this day I can still play the same scene in my head, so I cant tell you that it wont stop.
The one thing that really helped me was talking to Pastor Keyes. Also going to his church in Old Orcutt. We went as a family and we got healed as a family. You will feel the holy spirit come in you and you will cry without even knowing, and after wards you will feel so good and so new. If you would like to speak to him let me know and I will call him for you. You told me that you are talking to a counselor, how is that going?
I also avoided any baby showers, baptisms, anything with baby for a while. Only i knew how much it would hurt and torture me. My best friend and I were only 1 month apart and 2 of my other friends were 2 months ahead of me and all of them had their baby. So even now when I see them and their children, I would think that thats how old our Gabe would of been. We visit him at his gravesite. Did you guys have one for Ethan? Go there and just sit there and talk to him. Ask him to help you. He will listen.
It will get easier, I promise, but you will never forget. You will hurt and cry, but its ok. Time is all different for us. Grieve for Ethan , but also live for yourself and Aaron. One of the books I read at the Christian Book store in SLO, when I wanted to find answers, was that think of your Son and that he is not living in this world of ours. Where there is pollution, hatred, anger, envy, war, etc. Our Son's are at a better place.
I hope this help you some. You are never alone my friend. I am here for you. I think of you daily and read your post on FB. You will be ok, Marci, it does get easier. Let me know if you need anything else, or if you just want to write out all your thoughts, im here for you!
Youre in my prayers and in my thoughts!
love Lyrose ; )
You have no idea how happy I am that you wrote me back. I figurerd you were busy with work and family. I finally went to sleep about 4am or so and slept till about 10a. I'm not taking that stuff anymore. I'm scared to. I can keep myself busy during the day and tire myself and so that I can get to sleep.
I am having some issues seeing other pregnant women, knowing that some of my friends are pregnant, and my downfall is hearing babies cry. Its great to hear but at the same time so painful. I have 2 pictures of Ethan here in the house. Everything else I have put away. I even gave away my maternity clothes to the teen pregnancy home here in town and donated Ethan's clothes to the NICU in Santa Barbara. When I saw my maternity clothes it made me angry. I didn't want to see them anymore because it was a constant reminder of him. I know that I need to face the people at work I just know that it's going to be hard for me not too cry because I know that when they see you, they feel bad for you.
Until now, I tend to shy away from people that knew I was pregnant but didn't know the situation cause I'm trying to avoid the whole story of telling them about it because it makes them feel bad, they feel bad for asking obviously because they didnt know and then they feel bad for me.
Have you and your husband ever thought of trying again? I get that question a lot. Aaron and I have decided that we would probably adopt when we are ready. My doctor has suggested that because of my age and complications with the pregnancy, it would be a risk, I don't think that I can do that again.
Therapy just started last Thursday, so far, it's going ok. I'm really hoping that it will help.
Thanks again for listening. I appreciate it. BTW, I haven't seen Karen for awhile, the last time I saw her was when Ethan was still alive. I don't know if she knows but if not, it's ok that you tell her.
Goodnight!
I am having some issues seeing other pregnant women, knowing that some of my friends are pregnant, and my downfall is hearing babies cry. Its great to hear but at the same time so painful. I have 2 pictures of Ethan here in the house. Everything else I have put away. I even gave away my maternity clothes to the teen pregnancy home here in town and donated Ethan's clothes to the NICU in Santa Barbara. When I saw my maternity clothes it made me angry. I didn't want to see them anymore because it was a constant reminder of him. I know that I need to face the people at work I just know that it's going to be hard for me not too cry because I know that when they see you, they feel bad for you.
Until now, I tend to shy away from people that knew I was pregnant but didn't know the situation cause I'm trying to avoid the whole story of telling them about it because it makes them feel bad, they feel bad for asking obviously because they didnt know and then they feel bad for me.
Have you and your husband ever thought of trying again? I get that question a lot. Aaron and I have decided that we would probably adopt when we are ready. My doctor has suggested that because of my age and complications with the pregnancy, it would be a risk, I don't think that I can do that again.
Therapy just started last Thursday, so far, it's going ok. I'm really hoping that it will help.
Thanks again for listening. I appreciate it. BTW, I haven't seen Karen for awhile, the last time I saw her was when Ethan was still alive. I don't know if she knows but if not, it's ok that you tell her.
Goodnight!
Hi, Marci! We have talked about trying again, but we havent and its going to be 3 years in November. I do want to but at the same time so much is going on. With my mom's fight for cancer and chemo treatments, it will be too hard right now. I wouldnt be able to help her as much if i was pregnant. If we dont get pregnant by the end of the year, then I dont think we will anymore. After 35 is a higher risk. I think adoption is a great thing!! Yes, try to consider, but only when you guys are ready!!
I had text Karen when I found out about Ethan. I just wanted to let her know just in case you go in there and at least she will know and not ask how Ethan is.
I found that a lot of people dont know what to say to us when something like this happen. At first I thought to myself how rude or inconsiderate they are but most of the times they dont know what else to say except sorry. Another thing that helped me was talking it out. Find a friend that will just listen and they dont even have to talk, but even if you just have to talk about Ethan for a minute or have a cry. It really helps!
Hope the counseling helps you! Keep me posted and always here for you!! Take care!
Lyrose
I had text Karen when I found out about Ethan. I just wanted to let her know just in case you go in there and at least she will know and not ask how Ethan is.
I found that a lot of people dont know what to say to us when something like this happen. At first I thought to myself how rude or inconsiderate they are but most of the times they dont know what else to say except sorry. Another thing that helped me was talking it out. Find a friend that will just listen and they dont even have to talk, but even if you just have to talk about Ethan for a minute or have a cry. It really helps!
Hope the counseling helps you! Keep me posted and always here for you!! Take care!
Lyrose
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