Raila turns 18......

"She is the apple of her parent's eye, from infancy to adulthood, she has always made her family proud. Active in the choir and other duties in the church, she has always put God above all others. She is a daughter, a cousin, a niece, a loyal friend, a great listener, hard working student pursing her degree in Nursing. Today, on her 18th birthday, she is a princess. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and welcome our debutante, Ms. Raila Ventura."..............(Marci Gerber)

That was my introduction for a very special lady in my life. Raila celebrated her 18th birthday party @ the Santa Maria Inn. To Filipinos, it's a debut, to the rich and famous, it's a cotillion, in the south, it's a debutante ball. It's a coming out party. I've known her before she was even thought of. Our families friendship has spanned @ least 28 years. We've always been there for each other, through thick and thin. No matter where life has taken us, no matter how busy we have become, we've always remained close in our own special way.

Raila Lisa Ventura was born on September 26, 1991 @ 10:30am, weighing 9.5 lbs. Along with my mother, we were her first visitors. She was a beautiful child. Every where she went, she always got someones attention. Raila smiled, all the time. She had her moments of fussiness but they were tolerable. Barney was her favorite. Till this day, I can not stand that dinosaur. Raila is a very bright and talented girl. Playing the piano is one of her favorite things to do.

Raila's celebration was an incredible one. She wore this blue gown that brought out some much more beauty, she was a princess. If that dress was yellow, she could have been Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Her court was dressed in these beautiful powder blue cocktail dresses while the guys donned on a powder blue vest and tie. I, on the other hand wore a black cocktail dress. It's been about 5 years since I wore heels. Raila got me to wear heels @ her party. Amazing! The program for this event was stellar. Maxwell Corpuz sang his rendition of Moonlight Serenade, Amy Cardenas sang The Journey, her twin daughters sang Miley Cyrus's The Climb, Arlene Febre sang a personal request from Raila. Roger, Raila's father serenaded her with his own personal rendition of RailaLisa (Monalisa). There was not a dry eye in the house. You can see most of the guest wiping their faces try to regain composure. Raila cried. That was hard to hold back tears when your father is serenading you.

I was given the honor to emcee the event yesterday. 18 years in the making. I was nervous. To me, it was a dream come true. I was in front of 160 guest, most, who have known me since birth, this should have been a piece of cake. NO it wasn't. There was only 2 rehearsals. 2 weeks before and the night before the event. I had questionnaires for the court, some I had to wing on a whim, added things as I went along, and the knots in my stomach kept churning that I didn't really get to finish my lunch. I promised Raila and her parents that this wasn't going to be a boring sleepy party. There are some parties that drag on forever. I'm all for change, all for fun and laughs, and that, we had. The party was to start about 1130a.m. Guest started arriving about 1120a.m. so I really didn't get started with every till about 1145a.m. From beginning to end, we had about 20 minutes to spare. We were done on schedule.

To Raila, Christian, EJ, Sonny, Kenneth, Scott, Elvis, Melinda, Roxanne, Mary Allen, Sherie, Michelle, Hyra, Veronica, Karen, Sarah and Rachel, thank you! It was great spending time with all of you yesterday.

Raila, thanks for letting me have my Ryan Seacrest/Nick Cannon moment. It's been the most fun thing since turning 40. Knowing you for 18 years has been an adventure. See you in New York this Winter......I love you!

My friend........Elaine

Elaine Yin is my doctor. She was recommended by well known doctors in San Luis Obispo. When they ask me who was I planning on seeing, I said Elaine Yin. They said excellent choice, no need to look any further. Elaine was an excellent choice. Not only did I get a great doctor to take care of me and Ethan, I also gained a friendship that will last forever. I saw her every week or two weeks during my pregnancy. My blood pressure and type 2 kept me going in to see her. She monitored me closely.

Elaine was my OB surgeon for Ethan's birth. I wouldn't have had it any other way. She knew that too. I told her that I wasn't going to have Ethan without her unless it was crucial that he come out sooner. She was there. Elaine is a busy lady. She is one of the best in her field. When other care takers have chucked the bedside manner out the window, her and her office staff remain professional with such a caring manner, genuinely caring for patients everyday.

When Ethan was born, even on the sidelines she checked on him all the time. She said that he was feisty like his mommy. He sure was. He's Asian American. Of course he would be feisty.

I couldn't be more thankful for Dr. Elaine Yin. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Through all the experiences, she, has helped me, go on. Not at full pace, at my own pace. It's been a traumatic year for so many. We can only hope that 2010 will bring us a much more brighter year to look forward to.

From the bottom of our hearts, thanks Elaine and the ladies @ Central Coast OB-GYN for everything!

Ice coffee and sourdough toast......

I sit here @ the front counters with Josh and now he is going to leave and get food as he watches me type this blog, he says he's looking good. I second that. I think of Ethan and hold back my tears and save it for therapy later. The sun is out brightly shining through the terminal and life is just fine. For some reason, I'm sad, all of a sudden I have this ache for him. It's come across my mind that I shouldn't be here right now, that I should be home taking care of him. But I'm not. I'm working again like I did before, non-stop, taking extra shifts here and there, planning get-togethers with co-workers and friends. Life isn't the same because someone is missing and it's Ethan. My work life can never be the same because I miss him every second of every minute that I'm here @ work. At times, being @ work brings a comfort because I feel and think of him more here. I could be missing him so much because I am sitting on the stool that he and I shared when I carried him, using the same computer. It's flooding my memory bank with my time spent with him.

It finally happened.......

I fell apart @ work for the first time. It was festering inside of me and I broke down today after my flight this morning. It really hasn't been an easy transition although everyone says I look great. Great in the outside maybe but a mess in the inside. I'm grateful that Rachael and Josh were there to be that supportive and let me cry when I needed to. It's just really sad when some people can be so insensitive to how someone elses feelings that they don't know that they are actually hurting someone. How can someone do something for so long and still not know what they are doing?
Today, I really missed Ethan. It was a lingering feeling that wouldn't stop. I couldn't get him out of my mind. The more I thought about him the more I wanted to burst into tears. It didn't help either that we have infants and children traveling but this isn't anyone's fault. This is my deal, these are my feelings. I can't help that some people ask me about him when they don't know. That is totally different and I've expected it to happen. It's only happened twice. It shocks me @ first and it depends on the moment too, I may not answer quickly or I'm comfortable enough to tell someone. It's different when it's deliberate. It's just mean. But like what I said, some are so numb to their own feelings and surroundings that to them, it's ok.
It was the first time in months since I've seen Dr. Cedars, he is part of my OB-GYN team. Such a wonderful gracious man, I couldn't help but say thank you and give him a hug.
I'm not so sure if I'm done crying yet but right now, I'm doing ok. I really don't know when I'm going to be done crying. Likelihood never! I know that life will get easier as time goes by but until then, I'm going to feel the way that I feel. I'm not out for sympathy, understanding and some compassion. That's all.

Farewell.............

Tonight, I gave my respects to someone who has spiritually enriched my life. Brother Erano G Manalo was laid to rest in the Central Office Tabernacle in Quezon, City Philippines. I never got to meet him, I never got to see him in person. All I know is, as the Executive Minister of the Iglesia Ni Cristo/Church of Christ, he loved us all. He labored and sacrificed his love and life for the members of the church. He will be deeply missed. The Philippines mourns the death of our beloved brother, streets and roads are jammed pack with people wanting to get a glimpse. I spoke to my mother a few moments ago and as much as she would have like to go, she couldn't because of all the people, the weather. It was hard to go in such difficult conditions. It was nice that we got to watch it on TV with the rest of the brethren.

I shed my tears for the ones that we lost this year. Remembering how short life is. How important people are to us and that we don't say I love you often enough. I love you!

Paalam Ka Erdy, mahal na mahal namin kayo. Sa muli nating pagkikita.

(Farewell Brother Erdy, we love you so very much.) (Until we meet again)

Official First Day!

My first official day back @ the airport and it's not as bad as I thought. I had a moment with Aaron this morning before he left for work. It was difficult to think that I was going to work not having to worry about Ethan's child care. At some point, I considered going back to work part-time, working the morning flight only so that I can get home to Ethan and Aaron can go to work. I also considered working @ night so that Aaron and I could save on child care.

After all that, I showered and changed, packed a few things for food and headed out. Got my ice coffee all set and I'm back to work. I felt like I never left. It was hard to come back and hear bad news about one of our airport friends. Thomas Caruso from TSA got into a head on motorcycle collision and had died @ the scene yesterday. I thought I was going to have a great day. It's now a somber day. Tom was a really great person. Always so friendly. I don't have a bad thing to say about Tom. I met him here @ the airport when he was working for the county as a custodian. He got a job with TSA about a year and a half ago. He was part of our morning crew, a part of our airport family. He was an amazing worker. We will all miss him.

So far, I helped downstairs with deplaning, helped Nicole board the flight and I closed the flight out @ the ticket counter. Some things that would normally bother me like passengers not tearing apart their web check-in boarding passes, carrying ons that were a little larger than allowed. I pretty much let it go. It's great to be back. I can't complain. I have a job that I love, co-workers who are my family. I may have my moments or not but I'll be ok to keep going. My life doesn't stop here. It keeps going because that is what God intended. My angel was taken because God needed him more, just like my friends and loved ones who have gone this year. God won't give us something that we can't handle. Lives end and some begin and right now, I'm starting to live again. This is what God intended my life to be and so I shall accept it.

Hanging out!

I'm here in PHX with Kevin and Josh, hanging out in the training center waiting for our flight. We just got back from terminal D and had a late lunch of nachos and Wendy's. Terminal D has the good places. Got Aaron's cookies from Paradise Bakery. He should be very happy when I get home.
Training was boring as always, I got a 90% on my test. That was purely my fault because I don't read the question completely and try to understand what it says. I just answer away. I passed is what matters. Josh the brainiac got a 100%.
Yesterday was a long day for my first day back to work. I had my alarm set @ 3:55a.m. and 4:00a.m. Turned both of them off and got up @ 5a.m. I got ready and headed to the airport. I got to SBP @ 5:40a.m., gave hugs to my co-workers I haven't seen in so long and headed for security. Got to PHX about 8:00a.m., class started @ 9:30a.m. so we went to Starbucks and got breakfast. We didn't get out of class till about 6:00p.m. We didn't get to see Jen Matz like we planned. We ended up with reservations @ the company dorm but we nixed it and paid out of pocket for a room @ the Sleep Inn. Much more comfortable. Waited for the hotel shuttle. So much nicer @ the Sleep Inn. We had dinner @ Tavern where we pretty much drank our depression away with $2 mexican beers and $3 margaritas. Food was great. Had some $2 tacos, habanero wings (so good), tater tots with cheese. $25 each for good food. It was awesome plus I was with these 2 brats, that made it more fun. We were done by 9:30pm and at the hotel by 9:45pm. I read a little bit and fell asleep for about 4 hours. I was up by 3:30a.m. and couldn't sleep anymore. Showered and got ready, had breakfast. We had to be @ the airport by 7:00a.m. for class to start. Now, we are here, waiting to leave. I can't believe that we have to wait this long but I'm not surprise. I won't have to do this again till next year and I will do it on the computer. Starting work tomorrow @ 9:00a.m. till 4:30pm. It's going to be my first day @ the station. All I pray for is that I don't fall apart in front of my co-workers and passengers. GOD please help me tomorrow!