Just One More Day.

Probably about 30 minutes ago I passed the cemetary and saw that there was a funeral happening and there was quite a few people and the cemetary was packed with a lot of cars and from a distance I can see the casket and the family and how many people have come to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. And so I came to the cemetary to see Ethan or to visit him at least and realized that I have not cried for him for a little while. And, I see all of these children lined up in a row and I feel terrible, just terrible, for what I and all the other parents have lost, and how I feel so badly for these children gone so soon, that, some didn't even get a chance to see another day. Ethan's gravesite has fall colored flowers that Wendy from TSA was so nice to get for us, she had given us a $20 gift card to Michael's because she knew about the story about someone taking Ethan's flower pot and light that was here. Till this day I'm still mad about that and have yet to call the cemetary about it.

I'm torn, so very torn, about my loss. I miss him so very much. I wish he was here, because I know my life would be so different. Tomorrow is October 10, it's been 4 months since he's been gone, but everytime I think about him, it feels like I just had him, yesterday. It's amazing how I've been able to move on the way that I have. Going to work, having a life, spending time with my friends, doing the things that I love to do, but everyday, I hurt. Everyday, I ache for him.

There is this song, pretty old school. It's called One More Day. Although this song is based on a love story, the words can have different meaning but one more day, just one more day, to enjoy the love, happiness that one person can bring you, from the day that Ethan passed, all I keep thinking is that there was one more day, one more day to spend with my son, one more day where I can love him a little more, just one more day.